Uncle Larry (Excerpt)
Excerpt from Uncle Larry in Regaling on College Street
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“Why would you put food out if you didn’t want it eaten?”, yelled Uncle Larry, with a string of pie crumbs dangling from his chin.
We knew damn well that Uncle Larry couldn’t behave for one evening. He was standing in front of the desert table, wearing white pants and a black and orange checkered shirt. He knew that he couldn’t leave the dessert table. The very moment Uncle Larry walked into a crowd, the crowd split up.
Sam and I thought that Bubby would be upset if we didn’t invite him. When we told her that he was invited, her face was blank. Come to think of it, what did Uncle Larry ever do to us to make us want to invite him?
March 14, 1981: We were on vacation and staying with him and Auntie Pearl in Orlando. Sweat pouring off our bodies because it was ninety-eight degrees. Uncle Larry just occupied the couch, chugging back Miller Lights and watching reruns of The Honeymooners. We yelled, “Uncle Larry, we’re all hot. Can you please turn the air conditioning on?” Uncle Larry: “It’s not hot. Air conditioning costs too much fucking money. Just gather round the fan.”
March 18, 1981: Later that week, Uncle Larry took us all to The Keg. Uncle Larry gave us all twenty bucks for a steak dinner. However, my giant coke was an extra $3.25. At the end of the evening, he screamed at Ma: “Gayle, you owe me $3.25.” He stood over her chair and watched her dig every last penny out of her wallet.
November 17, 1988: “Uncle Larry, you and auntie Pearl are driving back for my Bar Mitzvah, aren’t you?” He smiled, “You know I like to spend my winters there. I asked you specifically not to plan the Bar Mitzvah during the winter months.” Despite nudges from Auntie Pearl, Auntie Claire and Uncle Shloime, and Bubby, they remained down south.
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